Bromance


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Everyone’s favorite tag team is back! Team Brash narrowly survived their encounter against Austin Cooper and Zack Johnathan and now returns with much more confidence to take on their next victims. Colt Stevens and Tyson Matthews have already had their asses handed to them by these twi. Dash almost ate Colt while Tyson was pulverized by Bruce in their respective matches. So… why the fuck did they thought it was a good idea to stand on a ring against these men again?! Ahhh… they joy of low-IQ wrestlers and the evil minds behind RHW. I can truly picture the RHW bosses malevolently grinning as soon as these losers signed up for the match.

To make things worse for the poor victims, Dash and Bruce seem to have picked up a few things from their last appearance. Their bond seems to be strengthened by the close call they experienced a few weeks ago.  They both seem more comfortable cheering each other on and more synced as they work over the helpless chumps. My concern about their first appearance is now erased, as they both seem more supportive, driven and focused as they quickly shut down every advance their pesky opponents try to mount.

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This is definitely a squash, but the big guys don’t end up unscathed though. In fact, in both rounds Dash and Bruce are treated to some cruel punishment by Colt and Tyson. It is always nice to see the big guys being vulnerable. At times I even get confused if I like Dash and Bruce better when they are getting their asses kicked. But it would be delusional to think Colt and Tyson had a true chance to win this. I don’t think they ever gain or maintain control for more than one minute. Colt is fast sweeping the big boys off their feet and Tyson, well, he does what he can the few times he is lucky enough to slip out of their claws. But the truth is that they don’t have any business here, and what we all want to see is how the muscle gods break them.

Some pointers on what to look out for: don’t miss out what seems to be an authentic slap from Colt to Bruce at 7:30 (check Bruce’s reaction), Dash’s sadistic on-the-mat and on-the-air choking of Colt starting at 8:53, a nice view of Dash’s package as Tyson Boston-crabs him at 14:45, Dash’s 2:30 minutes demolition of Tyson by the end of the match and Bruce’s bulge in those light blue square cuts throughout all the match.

And of course the most important thing: the last images of a sweaty Team Brash celebrating their triumph with a bro hug and some side-by-side posing after the last submission, enough to confirm their bromance and making us fall in love with them once again! MORE PLEASE! finaldot

Nitrocellulose


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Read this and read it well: Colt Stevens vs Gage Cardona is my favorite Rock Hard match of 2015 so far.

Lean esto y léanlo bien: Colt Stevens vs Gage Cardona es mi lucha de favorita de Rock Hard en lo que va de 2015. 

Yes, I never imagined to be saying that after reading the names of this match-up. If anything, these two should have more empathy than hatred for each other. They have very similar body types, fighting backgrounds and never-say-die attitudes. Also their own singles-match history at Rock Hard have been, well, a disaster. Colt was destroyed in back-to-back appearances and Gage has only met success when Ethan Andrews is near his corner. So why  should it be interesting to give these two ‘jobbers’ the chance to fight each other?

Sí, nunca me imagine decir eso cuando leí sus nombres. Si acaso, estos dos deberían tener más empatía que odio entre ellos. Los dos tienen tipos de cuerpo, trasfondo de lucha y actitudes similares. También sus historiales de luchas individuales en Rock Hard son, pues, un desastre. Colt fue destruido en sus dos primeras apariciones y Gage sólo ha conocido el éxito cuando Ethan Andrews está cerca de su esquina. Así que, ¿porqué sería interesante darle a estos dos ‘perdedores’ la oportunidad de luchar el uno contra el otro?

Luckily, someone in RHW knew the answer to that question and showed us what happens when you let true performers take the spotlight. Colt and Gage give us a showdown of skills, both of athleticism and theatrics, that few other stars in RHW (or underground wrestling, for that matter) can execute. Just like nitrocellulose, they are lightweight and explosive, filling the 24+minutes encounter with blink-and-you-miss-it reversals, high impact moves and verbal jabs to match.

Afortunadamente, alguien en RHW sabía la respuesta a esa pregunta, y nos mostró lo que ocurre cuando dejas que verdaderos talentos tomar la escena. Colt y Gage nos dan una confrontación llena de destreza, tanto en lo atlético como en lo teátrico, que pocas otras estrellas de RHW (o en la lucha ‘underground’, de hecho) pueden producir. Así como la nitrocelulosa, son livianos y explosivos, llenando los 24+ minutos del encuentro con reversos que puedes perderte si pestañea, movidas de alto impacto y golpes verbales para combinar. 

Be ready to feel how the drama is amplified as the guys put their acrobatic skills to use, including backflips, somersaults and duelling diving splashes as they struggle to keep control. Both Colt and Gage use their quickness and agility to make the most of this chance to shine and they both go to the fullest extent to ensure they come out on top. The match is a riddle and the mystery of which of these two will finally succumb is kept until the very end, when someone is left laying alone in the ring to process his humiliation.

Estén listos para sentir como se amplifica el drama cuando ambos pongan sus habilidades acrobáticas en uso, incluyendo backflips, somersaults y diving splashes mientras buscan mantener el control. Ambos usan su rapidez y agilidad para sacarle lo mejor a esta oportunidad de brillar y dan lo máximo para asegurar la victoria. La lucha es un acertijo y el misterio de cual de estos dos finalmente sucumbe no se resuelve hasta el final, cuando alguien es dejado sólo en el ring pensando en su humillación.

I know feel guilty of being so obsessed with RHW’s big boys and ignore the fact that this type of wiry fighters are the ones who usually produce this sort of  fast-paced thrillers. I’m sure the fan bases of these two men will now grow as they earn the respect of many, including mine, and they leave us expecting to see them in such explosive action again!

Ahora me siento culpable de estar tan obsesionado con los tipos grandes y musculosos de RHW e ignorar el hecho que son estos, los tipos delgados y atléticos, lo que pueden usualmente producen este tipo de acción rápida e intensa que tanto me gusta. Estoy seguro que los fans de estos dos ahora se multiplicarán y que se ganarán el respeto de muchos, incluyéndome el mi mismo, mientras nos dejan con ganas de volver a ver acción así de explosiva ¡otra vez!

P Score: 9 out 10 P molecules! / ¡Puntuación 9 de 10 moléculas P!  finaldot

Run, Colt, Run!


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Can somebody please tell me what’s wrong with Colt Stevens? He literally begged for an ambulance on his first appearance at Rock Hard Wrestling and yet he dares to show his face again? He appears to be unfazed by the looks of his second opponent: Ethan Andrews. I guess he was convinced by the RHW bosses that this time they were going to give him a fair chance with an opponent closer to his weight class. And I bet my whole savings account that they skipped telling Colt that Ethan eats pretty boy ribs for dinner, and that his most recent serving came from the monster who destroyed Colt on his debut match.  Just like when you talk to the screen in an horror movie, I’m screaming: “run, Colt, run for your life!”

Colt then disses the fact that Ethan has been granted seniority over at RHW, as he is not only the most recurring wrestler on the roster but the one who has been around the longest. Ethan’s answer is one of the best comebacks I have heard, not because of its complexity, but because of its truthfulness: “I’ve taken down guys bigger and prettier than you.”  The blond twink then goes on to make things worse by contradicting everything Ethan says about his new favorite full-contact sport: boxing. Colt defends his beloved MMA and promises to show Ethan “what MMA is all about”, just  as he is being floored with a flurry of gut punches.

The match opening round goes as we all expected: Ethan abusing Colt and wiping the ring with him. But watch out! On round 2 Colt puts on his gloves and suddenly we have a fight! He surprises Ethan, and all of us, with his takedowns, strikes and holds. Not just that, he also takes time to “re-train” Ethan on some of the MMA techniques and makes sure he tastes the mat after he submits him!

It’s time for the decisive round, and it’s then when seniority comes in handy, as Ethan already knows of the existence of the infamous bondage ropes. In the end, oblivious Colt finds himself trapped, paying the consequences of his disrespect. If only he knew better, he would have ran from the first time.

Highlight

I know Ethan is the star, but Colt it’s the one to really shine here. As other smaller wrestlers on Rock Hard, Colt carries a sharp tongue that makes up for the muscle mass differential and, believe it or not, he overshadows Ethan on his game. Instead of the expected 2-straight-rounds Ethan win I expected, we are treated to a much more balanced and well directed piece.  Leave it to RHW to tell such a good story and highlight a rookie’s talents so well even when he ends up knocked-out hanging from the ring ropes.

Key Moments

  • 5:34 – “How does my ass smell?”
  • 14:25 – A raunchy low-blow exchange: “Is it a big enough target for you? My balls in your face?”
  • 19:30 – Colt gets closer to Ethan’s ears to humiliate him after his submission.
  • 19:51 – Colt crushes Ethan’s manhood with his foot!
  • 24:57 – The always satisfying light bondage finale.
  • All 25-minutes: Bulge watching! Ethan’s package just doesn’t fit inside those trunks!

Bottom Line

The RHW bosses give us a glimpse of the sick side of their minds when they put clueless Colt against another of their most reckless men. Yet, Colt surprises with how well he keeps up with Ethan, until it’s clutch time. One of those matches I like to watch with a bowl of popcorn to keep me entertained after a hard day at work.

The Poll Is Still Open!

I created this poll for Ethan’s interview and it’s still open if you’d like to participate. Just between us: the RHW bosses are watching! So vote for your favorite wrestler for a better chance of having your dream Ethan Andrews match-up become a reality!!!! (Poll will close next Saturday). finaldot

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